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Editors note: This article is a guest post submitted by writer Lucy Bee as part of the Taboo Tab project. To learn more or to articles like this, please visit tabootab. You mean, a woman who is sexually empowered by her role as a submissive? A of years ago, I found myself in a discussion group about sexuality.
We were a group of mostly ardent submissive confessions, discussing how sex can be empowering for women, and how we can use sex to express our independence, freedom, empowerment, etc etc. We covered a of topics; how to continue your sex life after a sexual assault, exploring different parts of your sexuality without embarrassment and shame, creating and watching feminist pornography, and eventually domination in the bedroom.
Our discussions of pornography proved my assumption: straight feminist pornography is when women are taking control of men and doing what they want, empowering both the doer and the viewer. As we continued the discussion, I was alienated and all alone. At the time, I thought the world was about to implode. Or, at least my world. In my case, this master is always male.
As a masochist, I enjoy receiving pain and sexual torture, independent or coinciding with pleasure. I listened as my friends and colleagues upheld stereotypes of female submission, decried BDSM heterosexual pornography, and basically bashed everything that I sexually enjoyed.
I never thought to challenge them about women submitting to men. I was too ashamed of myself and choices to consider raising the point. Instead, I went home and tried to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Was there something wrong? There had to be! I was an independent, fiercely strong and determined woman. I was a loud and very proud feminist. Yet I would beg to have submissive confessions man sexually torture me. I craved it, even as I was a crying mess downing a bottle of wine after that discussion group.
The next day I engaged in my roughest session to date, fully giving in to everything I knew my body and mind wanted. It was clear, I had a problem. That much was clear. I was determined they could work together. So, I came up with two options: 1 hide it, or 2 figure out how my feminism could still work with my sexual choices. Turned out, I needed a combination of both. As it unfolded, it became clear that reconciling my feminism with my sexual submission was the only way to go.
I began to read. I read nearly everything about female submission I could get my hands on. What did I find about submission and feminism? But nothing about the problem I was facing. Absolutely nothing. Finally, a couple years later as I was browsing the bookstore with no particular goal in mind, I came across a text by one of my favorite feminist authors.
I flipped through the table of contents, let my jaw drop for a few moments, went and paid for the book immediately, and submissive confessions home to read it. I had found it, an article about a feminist submissive. I read the short article at least five times before I let out a sigh of relief. Someone understood me and was speaking to me. But most of all, someone had found the answer that I had been searching for.
Did I make my sexual choice of my own free will? Yes… Did I enjoy my sexual choice? It was a simple, but staggering revelation. My choice, my openness to what I want and enjoy, and my acceptance of it was the empowering part of my sexuality. That is what made my sexuality fit with my feminism. It was that simple. The conclusion was so basic, something we, as feminists, readily applied to other sexual choices.
But then I realized they were clouded by stereotypes. They saw a helpless woman, a victim of men, that was being tortured, maybe even against her will, but certainly not for her pleasure. To them, they only saw the almighty patriarchy at work. The more I thought about it, the more my entire perception shifted. I realized that being a submissive confessions was actually about empowerment, not the other way around. A skilled master will get pleasure out of just you — they will be satisfied by seeing your pain, pleasure, submission, etc.
This is sounding like the fiercely independent and confident woman I pride myself on being…. Submission is also about giving in. It is being confident enough with yourself, sexuality and partner to just give up that control. Ultimately though, the control still resides with you. As the submissive, you still decide what limits there are and when things need to stop.
You are consenting, enthusiastically, to the situation. In itself, that is also about empowerment. When I consent to being submissive, I leave behind all the burdens of decision making, independence and control that plague my day to day life. Instead, I get to just sit back, take some orders and get some amazing pleasure. That is also empowering. Submissive confessions no. Even after my sexual revelation, I still continue to hide this part of my identity.
Today, I write this under an anonymous title, because even very few of my friends know about this part of my identity. Certainly not, I got over that a while ago. Part of it is professional and job related, of course. For many, they ask out of curiosity. But for me, this is my sexual choice. But my personal choices are not up as a public service announcement. I prefer to choose who I tell. Almost 7 years have passed since my crisis, and 5 years have now passed since my major revelation and the first time I wrote about it.
The combination of these identities has allowed me not only to explore my sexuality, but the core of my identity. Special announcement: The Taboo Tab has officially moved to its own website! If you want to eye-opening articles about sexuality, body image, and mental health, visit tabootab.
This article beautifully articulates all that I feel as a sex positive feminist sub…. I submissive confessions 2 questions for the author. Thank you!!! You will find some amazing articles in there, including the chapter that compelled me so much.
However, there is a horribly awful trailer out for the coming movie that begins to capture some of the issues. I know this man would never push beyond my boundaries and I trust him completely and I love the idea of pleasing him in any way he wants. Is this something I will be able to learn to turn off in my mind and let him have me fully or will I make a bad sub who only pushes him away by being a brat?
That is full empowerment in the context of BDSM. You are commenting using your WordPress.
You are commenting using your Google. You are commenting using your Twitter. You are commenting using your Facebook. Notify me of new comments via. Notify me of new posts via. This is sounding like the fiercely independent and confident woman Submissive confessions pride myself on being… Submission is also about giving in. Share this: Twitter Facebook. Like this: Like Loading There, I saved you the pain! Leave a Reply Cancel reply comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:.
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Confessions of an Empowered Submissive